Visualizing The Addict's Loop
The euphoric high/fix is an obsessive, self-centered blind spot that codependent's and addict's obsessively gravitate toward and desperately attempt to control and manipulate in order to feel loved and secure. The euphoric high/fix creates the temporary illusion of being elevated above the codependent and addict's feelings of powerlessness and shame to experience a womb-like wholeness and connection. The codependent and addict blindly attempt to prove that the euphoric high/fix will some day magically transform and become unconditional love that lasts forever. This is the cruel and insidious unconscious programming of codependence and addiction.
I use the word nonexistence on the addict's loop to describe the child's overwhelming and terrifying fear of being rejected and abandoned by family members or significant role models. Many codependent child and adult fears manifest themselves from the traumatizing and imaginary experience of nonexistence or fears of being "dropped off the cliff," if one does not feel received and connected at the loop’s euphoric high/fix. In the addict's loop, the child will allow, protect and block unimaginable abuse that can lead to his own death to avoid the fear of rejection and abandonment. The child’s unconscious message becomes, “I must deny and repress my fear, abuse and painful feelings or I will be rejected and fall into the abyss of nothingness.” The more fear of abandonment the codependent child experiences, the more he will cling to the codependent role(s), repress and deny his rejection, pain and abuse and seek salvation in the loop’s euphoric high/fix.
The euphoric high/fix is an obsessive, self-centered blind spot that codependent's and addict's obsessively gravitate toward and desperately attempt to control and manipulate in order to feel loved and secure. The euphoric high/fix creates the temporary illusion of being elevated above the codependent and addict's feelings of powerlessness and shame to experience a womb-like wholeness and connection. The codependent and addict blindly attempt to prove that the euphoric high/fix will some day magically transform and become unconditional love that lasts forever. This is the cruel and insidious unconscious programming of codependence and addiction.
I use the word nonexistence on the addict's loop to describe the child's overwhelming and terrifying fear of being rejected and abandoned by family members or significant role models. Many codependent child and adult fears manifest themselves from the traumatizing and imaginary experience of nonexistence or fears of being "dropped off the cliff," if one does not feel received and connected at the loop’s euphoric high/fix. In the addict's loop, the child will allow, protect and block unimaginable abuse that can lead to his own death to avoid the fear of rejection and abandonment. The child’s unconscious message becomes, “I must deny and repress my fear, abuse and painful feelings or I will be rejected and fall into the abyss of nothingness.” The more fear of abandonment the codependent child experiences, the more he will cling to the codependent role(s), repress and deny his rejection, pain and abuse and seek salvation in the loop’s euphoric high/fix.
I'd like to do a visualization of the addict's loop. After reading the following sentences, close your eyes and imagine the Addict's Loop in your mind's eye and unconscious. On the left side of the Addict's Loop is the “attraction side” that moves toward the tip of the loop's euphoric high/fix. On the attraction side, both codependent roles want to fulfill their programming and feel safe, connected, powerful and loved. The Dependent role dishonestly “people pleases” (I'll be anything you want) to feel loved and rescued by the Controller. The Controller wants to rescue the Dependent (do as I say and you'll survive,) and feel powerful, praised and loved. When the two roles complete their union, they experience the euphoric high/fix. Close your eyes and focus on your codependent role(s) wanting to fulfill and connect with the opposite codependent role to experience the loop's euphoric high/fix.
Now, let's visualize the right “denial side” of the addict's loop. The denial side represents the betrayal, rejection and abandonment and the fear of nonexistence. Now, think of each role repelling the other. The Dependent “screws up” and is criticized by the Controller and isolates and goes back into her shell and is alone. The Controller is critical and demanding and feels like a failure because his control and directions have failed and the Dependent has rejected and abandoned him. The Controller now feels like a victim and is also alone. The “denial side” of the loop is where both codependent roles repress and block out their betrayal, rejection, abandonment and any abuse. Both roles then move around the loop to experience his/her connection and euphoric high/fix.
It is nearly impossible for a child to experience these powerful words and experiences that condemn him to being abandoned, disconnected and the imaginary fear of nonexistence. During our childhood, we did everything possible to avoid being betrayed, rejected and abandoned. Some of us were loved and nurtured but still never felt good enough. Some of us were humiliated, slapped, punched, beaten and molested. We had to repress the abuse and painful feelings to survive and feel connected and loved, even if it was a fantasy. Now, see yourself repressing these painful feelings over and over. As you repress these painful feelings and experiences, visualize them stacking and building up inside the loop's reservoir of denial. Now visualize your painful feelings rising toward the euphoric high/fix and finally over powering and destroying it.
This becomes the point of disconnection in a codependent relationship. The euphoric connection has been flat lined and the relationship repels and usually ends or spins in misery.
It is nearly impossible for a child to experience these powerful words and experiences that condemn him to being abandoned, disconnected and the imaginary fear of nonexistence. During our childhood, we did everything possible to avoid being betrayed, rejected and abandoned. Some of us were loved and nurtured but still never felt good enough. Some of us were humiliated, slapped, punched, beaten and molested. We had to repress the abuse and painful feelings to survive and feel connected and loved, even if it was a fantasy. Now, see yourself repressing these painful feelings over and over. As you repress these painful feelings and experiences, visualize them stacking and building up inside the loop's reservoir of denial. Now visualize your painful feelings rising toward the euphoric high/fix and finally over powering and destroying it.
This becomes the point of disconnection in a codependent relationship. The euphoric connection has been flat lined and the relationship repels and usually ends or spins in misery.
Close your eyes one more time and see the entire addict's loop. Visualize yourself going up the attraction side to feel received, connected, powerful and loved at the euphoric high/fix and then suddenly falling into the denial side and repressing your abuse, betrayal, rejection and abandonment. Visualize yourself filled with anxiety and fear and racing around the loop toward the attraction side to once again to feel connected and in control at the euphoric high/fix.
Let's review the Addict's Loop and look at its built-in mechanics hidden in the unconscious. Every time I experience the euphoric high/fix, at some point, I will also experience betrayal, rejection and abandonment. The Addict's Loop has programmed me to block and repress my emotional pain, betrayal, rejection, abandonment and any abuse which creates a stacking and layering effect, that slowly rises and fills up the loop's reservoir of denial. The repressed and ballooning unidentifiable pain creates fear and anxiety and makes me need more euphoric high/fix to numb and escape. See the insanity? The Addict's Loop is designed and creates a self-drowning effect. The more I experience the euphoric high/fix, the more fear and pain I create and repress, which stacks and rises toward consciousness, and then I need more euphoric high/fix to once again escape. The euphoric high fix is temporary and dissipates, the repressed pain and abuse stays in the loop and is recreated and builds. At some point, the repressed, unidentifiable pain and fears surfaces and dominates the euphoric high/fix and completely flat-lines the emotional life of the codependent and addict. This is the unconscious and destructive mechanism of the Addict's Loop.
Copyright 2017
Let's review the Addict's Loop and look at its built-in mechanics hidden in the unconscious. Every time I experience the euphoric high/fix, at some point, I will also experience betrayal, rejection and abandonment. The Addict's Loop has programmed me to block and repress my emotional pain, betrayal, rejection, abandonment and any abuse which creates a stacking and layering effect, that slowly rises and fills up the loop's reservoir of denial. The repressed and ballooning unidentifiable pain creates fear and anxiety and makes me need more euphoric high/fix to numb and escape. See the insanity? The Addict's Loop is designed and creates a self-drowning effect. The more I experience the euphoric high/fix, the more fear and pain I create and repress, which stacks and rises toward consciousness, and then I need more euphoric high/fix to once again escape. The euphoric high fix is temporary and dissipates, the repressed pain and abuse stays in the loop and is recreated and builds. At some point, the repressed, unidentifiable pain and fears surfaces and dominates the euphoric high/fix and completely flat-lines the emotional life of the codependent and addict. This is the unconscious and destructive mechanism of the Addict's Loop.
Copyright 2017
