Addiction and Depression
On the first page of my website I have described how unconscious addiction mimics the undertow at the beach. The addict chooses to walk into the water or attempts to control his "fix" and then is swept away by the undertow or unconscious Addict's Loop and gradually loses complete control of his substance and behavioral "fixes."
I now want to describe how the addict's emotional life acts as an unconscious pain magnet and how the addict creates and recreates his depression and emotional pain without adding any substance or behavior "fixes," basically being sober and just existing.
Before I describe the addict's terminal low self-esteem, I want to first identify what a healthy self-esteem might look like, again using the ocean as an analogy. A person with a healthy self-esteem treads water wearing an emotional life preserver. The person with a healthy self-esteem gets pulled under the water and experiences life's pain and trauma, but his core identity and emotional life lifts him back up to the surface. The person with a healthy self-esteem experiences and feels pain but doesn't believe he owns the pain. This is a big difference between the addict and non-addict. The person with a healthy self-esteem processes his pain, separates himself from it and moves on in his life with a new understanding, awareness and growth.
On the first page of my website I have described how unconscious addiction mimics the undertow at the beach. The addict chooses to walk into the water or attempts to control his "fix" and then is swept away by the undertow or unconscious Addict's Loop and gradually loses complete control of his substance and behavioral "fixes."
I now want to describe how the addict's emotional life acts as an unconscious pain magnet and how the addict creates and recreates his depression and emotional pain without adding any substance or behavior "fixes," basically being sober and just existing.
Before I describe the addict's terminal low self-esteem, I want to first identify what a healthy self-esteem might look like, again using the ocean as an analogy. A person with a healthy self-esteem treads water wearing an emotional life preserver. The person with a healthy self-esteem gets pulled under the water and experiences life's pain and trauma, but his core identity and emotional life lifts him back up to the surface. The person with a healthy self-esteem experiences and feels pain but doesn't believe he owns the pain. This is a big difference between the addict and non-addict. The person with a healthy self-esteem processes his pain, separates himself from it and moves on in his life with a new understanding, awareness and growth.
Now, lets visualize the addict in the ocean. While the person with the healthy self-esteem treads water on the surface in his life preserver, the addict idles twenty feet below, completely under water. Instead of wearing a life preserver, the addict has several weights pulling him down toward the ocean floor. This is where the addict's inherited and damaged self-esteem idles 24/7. To understand the addict's damaged and destructive emotional life, it is important to understand that a large percentage of the addict's emotional pain and depression is inherited. I'll explain why.
As I described on the first page of my website, the addict inherits two unconscious codependent roles, the "Controller" and the "Dependent." I believe the two unconscious roles have plagued and destroyed our humanity for thousands of years. Most of the general population inherits one of the roles, either the Dependent or Controller role, and gravitates (unconsciously attracts) the opposite role to create a codependent relationship. The addict inherits both codependent roles and rotates them. One of the addict's codependent roles will usually dominate the addict's personality, while the other takes a back seat position. The backseat codependent role can rotate at any time and become the addict's dominant personality, especially in a relationship with another addict. I have nicknamed addicts "rotators" because of this unconscious process.
The two codependent roles create an unconscious dictatorship where the false self (Dependent role) is programmed to be rescued by the false god (Controller role), and the controller role needs the dependent role to feel powerful, loved and in control. Both roles are enslaved by each other in the addict's unconscious and are programmed to fulfill their inherited, multi-generational programming, and behavior. I will now explain what happens in the addict's unconscious without including any childhood abuse, trauma, co-occurring disorders or the addict's substance and behavioral "fixes."
The two codependent roles are permanently separated and idle in the addict's unconscious (no awareness). The embedded programming from the Dependent role continually sends a series of destructive messages: "I am broken, helpless, incapable and needy, and need the controller to rescue me. I deserve the pain I'm handed, and I must carry it and live with it. I'm lost and afraid and cannot survive alone. I need to be rescued by the controller to feel safe, connected, loved and whole." These are only a few of the dependent's multi-generational messages and destructive programming.
The Controller's deep unconscious programming also sends several destructive messages: "I'm abandoned and powerless unless I rescue the Dependent. I need the dependent to feel powerful, connected, praised, in control and loved. The dependent will not survive unless I manage his existence. I am nothing unless I save the Dependent from his broken self."
When the two separated codependent roles idle in the addict's unconscious, where they create his terminal low self esteem, disconnection, pain and depression. The tragedy is most addicts are not aware that they have the two unconscious codependent roles and believe all the negative, destructive messages and feelings are from their core identity and authentic self. This is the insidious and destructive lie of multi-generational codependence and addiction.
As I described on the first page of my website, the addict inherits two unconscious codependent roles, the "Controller" and the "Dependent." I believe the two unconscious roles have plagued and destroyed our humanity for thousands of years. Most of the general population inherits one of the roles, either the Dependent or Controller role, and gravitates (unconsciously attracts) the opposite role to create a codependent relationship. The addict inherits both codependent roles and rotates them. One of the addict's codependent roles will usually dominate the addict's personality, while the other takes a back seat position. The backseat codependent role can rotate at any time and become the addict's dominant personality, especially in a relationship with another addict. I have nicknamed addicts "rotators" because of this unconscious process.
The two codependent roles create an unconscious dictatorship where the false self (Dependent role) is programmed to be rescued by the false god (Controller role), and the controller role needs the dependent role to feel powerful, loved and in control. Both roles are enslaved by each other in the addict's unconscious and are programmed to fulfill their inherited, multi-generational programming, and behavior. I will now explain what happens in the addict's unconscious without including any childhood abuse, trauma, co-occurring disorders or the addict's substance and behavioral "fixes."
The two codependent roles are permanently separated and idle in the addict's unconscious (no awareness). The embedded programming from the Dependent role continually sends a series of destructive messages: "I am broken, helpless, incapable and needy, and need the controller to rescue me. I deserve the pain I'm handed, and I must carry it and live with it. I'm lost and afraid and cannot survive alone. I need to be rescued by the controller to feel safe, connected, loved and whole." These are only a few of the dependent's multi-generational messages and destructive programming.
The Controller's deep unconscious programming also sends several destructive messages: "I'm abandoned and powerless unless I rescue the Dependent. I need the dependent to feel powerful, connected, praised, in control and loved. The dependent will not survive unless I manage his existence. I am nothing unless I save the Dependent from his broken self."
When the two separated codependent roles idle in the addict's unconscious, where they create his terminal low self esteem, disconnection, pain and depression. The tragedy is most addicts are not aware that they have the two unconscious codependent roles and believe all the negative, destructive messages and feelings are from their core identity and authentic self. This is the insidious and destructive lie of multi-generational codependence and addiction.
The addict's two unconscious codependent roles begin to rotate after both roles have been conditioned or "charged" during child-teen years. Think of the addict's two unconscious codependent roles as batteries that are "charged" by the child-teen's surrounding relationships. The child's Dependent role might be charged first by a "Controller" parent, and the child's controller role might be “charged” by a “Dependent” family member or role model. Before leaving home, both of the addict's codependent roles begin rotating and creating the destructive Addict's Loop in his surrounding relationships.
I believe relationship addiction is the addict's first addiction. It is the first addiction and it is unconscious. The addict's surrounding codependent relationships are also unconscious and continually build a reservoir of repressed emotional pain, depression and abuse inside the Addict's Loop, which at some point trumps the euphoric high/fix or any "high." The addict's destructive relationship dynamics continue into adulthood and become the addict's collective pain that he unknowingly creates, represses and reproduces.
Also, the addict can come from a loving home where he experienced no abuse, and the addict can be sober from his substance and behavioral "fixes," and still create enough unconscious pain and depression from his two inherited and rotating codependent roles to completely destroy his emotional life and seek a fatal solution.
Copyright 2015
I believe relationship addiction is the addict's first addiction. It is the first addiction and it is unconscious. The addict's surrounding codependent relationships are also unconscious and continually build a reservoir of repressed emotional pain, depression and abuse inside the Addict's Loop, which at some point trumps the euphoric high/fix or any "high." The addict's destructive relationship dynamics continue into adulthood and become the addict's collective pain that he unknowingly creates, represses and reproduces.
Also, the addict can come from a loving home where he experienced no abuse, and the addict can be sober from his substance and behavioral "fixes," and still create enough unconscious pain and depression from his two inherited and rotating codependent roles to completely destroy his emotional life and seek a fatal solution.
Copyright 2015
