'Addiction, Temporary Addiction And Substance Abuse
Addiction
During my twenty eight years of sobriety, I have never met a non-addict that understood an addict. Many non-addicts have compassion for the addict but are confused by the addict's self-centered and destructive behavior. I've heard addicts described as "weak, broken, lazy, arrogant, entitled, obsessive, compulsive, self-centered and control freak." These are a few of the nicer descriptions. Addict's can also break your heart. They become lost puppies needing to be rescued from themselves. Addicts can leave the non-addict feeling powerless, frustrated, completely heartbroken and devastated. I've heard the parents of young addicts, speaking softly through their sobs say, "she'd be better off dead." It seems nothing on the outside can save the addict except the addict's own awakening and willingness to change.
The addict is a contradiction. The addict can be a homeless streetwalker or CEO. The addict can use alcohol, lose control, and be on a path of complete self-destruction and then one day quit and never touch it again. The addict can spend years building a successful life, and within a few weeks destroy everything around him. The addict can be in a crowd of eighty-thousand people and feel completely isolated and alone. The addict can feel powerful and in control, and then instantly regress into complete helplessness. The addict is compulsive, colorful, child-like, self-centered, unconscious and uncontrollable. A paradox that seeks to be rescued and then runs away. It's easy to understand the non-addict's bewilderment, indifference and resentment.
For the past several decades, there has been social and medical confusion in labeling the addict. Some believe addiction is simply a "choice", where medical researchers have recently labeled addiction as a "chronic brain disorder" or "brain disease". I have purposely stayed away from labeling the addict and addiction. The goal of my book, The Addict's Loop is to clarify the confusion, explain the paradox, uncover the addict's deep unconscious patterns and show a pathway out of the addict's self-destructive behavior.
Addiction
During my twenty eight years of sobriety, I have never met a non-addict that understood an addict. Many non-addicts have compassion for the addict but are confused by the addict's self-centered and destructive behavior. I've heard addicts described as "weak, broken, lazy, arrogant, entitled, obsessive, compulsive, self-centered and control freak." These are a few of the nicer descriptions. Addict's can also break your heart. They become lost puppies needing to be rescued from themselves. Addicts can leave the non-addict feeling powerless, frustrated, completely heartbroken and devastated. I've heard the parents of young addicts, speaking softly through their sobs say, "she'd be better off dead." It seems nothing on the outside can save the addict except the addict's own awakening and willingness to change.
The addict is a contradiction. The addict can be a homeless streetwalker or CEO. The addict can use alcohol, lose control, and be on a path of complete self-destruction and then one day quit and never touch it again. The addict can spend years building a successful life, and within a few weeks destroy everything around him. The addict can be in a crowd of eighty-thousand people and feel completely isolated and alone. The addict can feel powerful and in control, and then instantly regress into complete helplessness. The addict is compulsive, colorful, child-like, self-centered, unconscious and uncontrollable. A paradox that seeks to be rescued and then runs away. It's easy to understand the non-addict's bewilderment, indifference and resentment.
For the past several decades, there has been social and medical confusion in labeling the addict. Some believe addiction is simply a "choice", where medical researchers have recently labeled addiction as a "chronic brain disorder" or "brain disease". I have purposely stayed away from labeling the addict and addiction. The goal of my book, The Addict's Loop is to clarify the confusion, explain the paradox, uncover the addict's deep unconscious patterns and show a pathway out of the addict's self-destructive behavior.
I use the analogy of the undertow at the beach to describe unconscious addiction. I believe, addiction starts as a choice but doesn't always end as a choice. In the addict's head, the unconscious Controller role is programmed to believe it can always control its substance and behavioral "fixes." What starts off as a choice soon transitions into the Addict's Loop, where the addict loses all control. The addict behaves compulsively to connect and experience his euphoric high/fix, on the Addict's Loop and cannot see his abandonment and hangover waiting on the right "denial" side. The addict's abandonment and hangover is psychologically blocked on the Addict's Loop and is experienced as something new and disturbing each time. When the addict awakens in his abandonment and hangover, he has the same reaction the swimmer in the undertow experiences after being fished out by the life guard, "I thought I was in control, then I lost all control. I don't know what happened." Confusion, shame and humiliation is the addict's recurring theme.
The two codependent roles, the Dependent and Controller, are permanently separated and idle in the addict's unconscious. The addict's Dependent role makes the addict feel shameful, broken, needy and entitled to be rescued. The idling Controller role creates a powerlessness and loss of control unless it rescues and enables the Dependent role. The unconscious messages from the addict's two codependent roles create the addict's painful and fractured low self-esteem. The addict's painful default setting motivates the addict to seek his "high" just to feel normal.
The two codependent roles, the Dependent and Controller, are permanently separated and idle in the addict's unconscious. The addict's Dependent role makes the addict feel shameful, broken, needy and entitled to be rescued. The idling Controller role creates a powerlessness and loss of control unless it rescues and enables the Dependent role. The unconscious messages from the addict's two codependent roles create the addict's painful and fractured low self-esteem. The addict's painful default setting motivates the addict to seek his "high" just to feel normal.
The addict's two codependent roles unconsciously
gravitate and attract surrounding relationships to fulfill the addict's destructive programming. The addict's codependent relationships transform the Dependent role to feel rescued, safe, connected and whole, and the Controller role to feel bigger than life, praised, powerful, and in control. In the beginning, the addict's relationships create a temporary relationship "high" which then is defeated by the Addict's Loop's betrayal, rejection and abandonment.
In my book I describe the unconscious mechanics of codependence and addiction and show in detail how the addict's exterior relationships fuel his pain, isolation and abandonment. The addict retreats into his own two codependent roles and uses addiction “fixes” to create a self-rescue mission. Basically, the addict unconsciously "enables" his own "entitlement" with substance and behavioral "fixes" in order to feel connected, whole, powerful and in control.
Temporary Addiction And Substance Abuse
Temporary addiction or the "effects" of addiction and substance abuse can be created between the two codependent roles in a relationship. The codependents in the relationship have only one codependent role and unconsciously attract the opposite role.
During the codependent relationship, the Dependent role can compulsively use alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, sex, etc. The substance abuse and behavior can create the "illusion" of progressive addiction or temporary addiction. During a codependent relationship, the Dependent can self-medicate, numb and escape the right side of the loop's repressed betrayal, rejection and abandonment that continually attempt to recreate the pain and surface into consciousness during the codependent relationship. The Controller can also increase any substance use, but the controller's main focus is the relationship addiction.
gravitate and attract surrounding relationships to fulfill the addict's destructive programming. The addict's codependent relationships transform the Dependent role to feel rescued, safe, connected and whole, and the Controller role to feel bigger than life, praised, powerful, and in control. In the beginning, the addict's relationships create a temporary relationship "high" which then is defeated by the Addict's Loop's betrayal, rejection and abandonment.
In my book I describe the unconscious mechanics of codependence and addiction and show in detail how the addict's exterior relationships fuel his pain, isolation and abandonment. The addict retreats into his own two codependent roles and uses addiction “fixes” to create a self-rescue mission. Basically, the addict unconsciously "enables" his own "entitlement" with substance and behavioral "fixes" in order to feel connected, whole, powerful and in control.
Temporary Addiction And Substance Abuse
Temporary addiction or the "effects" of addiction and substance abuse can be created between the two codependent roles in a relationship. The codependents in the relationship have only one codependent role and unconsciously attract the opposite role.
During the codependent relationship, the Dependent role can compulsively use alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, sex, etc. The substance abuse and behavior can create the "illusion" of progressive addiction or temporary addiction. During a codependent relationship, the Dependent can self-medicate, numb and escape the right side of the loop's repressed betrayal, rejection and abandonment that continually attempt to recreate the pain and surface into consciousness during the codependent relationship. The Controller can also increase any substance use, but the controller's main focus is the relationship addiction.
An example of substance abuse and temporary addiction is that as the Dependent recreates her unconscious pain from childhood and re-experiences her betrayal, rejection, abandonment and any abuse, the dependent might begin to use food to numb her surfacing unconscious pain in the Addict's Loop. The dependent slowly loses control and compulsively snacks to escape and numb the surfacing unconscious pain and progressively gains weight. The Dependent may think she's a food addict and even seek professional help and treatment. Once the relationship ends or the dependent learns to set healthy boundaries, the Dependent will discover she can regain control over her food and return to her normal weight. The Addict’s Loop that is created between the codependent relationship idles and loses its power after adjustments are made or the relationship ends.
Another example of substance abuse that can look like addiction is a male Dependent who drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana every day. Let's say, the Dependent has been married to a Controller for twenty years. The Dependent has used alcohol and marijuana during the marriage to self-medicate his rising unconscious pain, recreated from the Addict's Loop and codependent relationship. The more the Dependent unconsciously fears his rejection and abandonment, the more he'll self medicate his recreated and rising pain load. The Dependent unconsciously attempts to recreate the relationship's absent euphoric high fix and connection, using substance and behavioral "fixes."
The difference between addiction and abuse is the abuse will not progress and completely dominate and destroy the Dependent's life. Remember, this is a codependent that just inherits the Dependent role, not both roles like the addict. The Dependent might binge and be a heavy user but can still function in his life. I want to make it clear that substance abuse can kill someone, they can overdose or die from years of wear and tear and the effects of drugs and alcohol on their body and mind. The point is, at some point, substance abuse can be controlled and come to an end. Addiction continues in the addict's unconscious and can be managed, but it does not end.
Copyright 2015
Another example of substance abuse that can look like addiction is a male Dependent who drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana every day. Let's say, the Dependent has been married to a Controller for twenty years. The Dependent has used alcohol and marijuana during the marriage to self-medicate his rising unconscious pain, recreated from the Addict's Loop and codependent relationship. The more the Dependent unconsciously fears his rejection and abandonment, the more he'll self medicate his recreated and rising pain load. The Dependent unconsciously attempts to recreate the relationship's absent euphoric high fix and connection, using substance and behavioral "fixes."
The difference between addiction and abuse is the abuse will not progress and completely dominate and destroy the Dependent's life. Remember, this is a codependent that just inherits the Dependent role, not both roles like the addict. The Dependent might binge and be a heavy user but can still function in his life. I want to make it clear that substance abuse can kill someone, they can overdose or die from years of wear and tear and the effects of drugs and alcohol on their body and mind. The point is, at some point, substance abuse can be controlled and come to an end. Addiction continues in the addict's unconscious and can be managed, but it does not end.
Copyright 2015
